I am imperfect.
I am learning to accept it.
My whole life, I have been actively pursuing perfection. I am tired. Perfection is an impossibility and causes inner frustration that spills over into places in my life that are beautiful and joyous. I am a people pleaser and it is not pleasing me anymore.
I am in the process of changing my thinking. I am unraveling and feeling a desperate pull to embrace who I am and let go of who I think I am “supposed” to be. It will take some time. Perhaps even a lifetime.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go and do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”
~ Howard Thurman
This quote warms my heart and fires my belly to move forward in my thinking. I’m looking to the road ahead and occasionally glancing side to side, but making a point to limit the time I focus on the images in my rear view mirror.
I am hoping to find my real life….with all of my imperfections and faults. Because despite the extra pounds I have gained from soothing my broken wrist, I recognize that it is really my heart that needs soothing and healing. I will take another step and another step and move closer to living life with my whole heart and listen carefully to my soul.
“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” ~Howard Thurman
With each step, I must recognize my effort is enough.
Polyenso-Not My Real Life
“Say hi and smile
There isn’t anything else to see
Too bad, so sad
To lose control eternally
Stay high and I could blow away with all the leaves
So when I feel that I’m falling asleep
No need to think I’m afraid of my dreams
And I was suffering badly from the ugliness
had me attached to the world that I see,
and I was feeling unbalanced and emotionless,
standing naked, and shaking, and weak
This is a statement to all that I live and repress
As if this life is as fake as it seems
I see the sun start to fall and I lose my finesse
I’m escaping reality
Its not my real life…”
Authenticity isn’t a problem for the band Polyenso. Their music is creative and uniquely beautiful. I was given a link to their new album, Pure in the Plastic, and I have been playing it over and over all day. It is soothing and yet with each song, I can feel the pulse and life force of an indescribable power. I had a devil of a time choosing my favorite song. But I came back again and again to “Not My Real Life”, because of my own personal introspection.
“Not My Real Life” begins with an earful of sounds, a needle hitting a record, a xylophone, saxophone, and then the powerful drums arrive. All become hushed when the warm vocals enter, but sonic surprises come in unexpectedly throughout the track and keep the pace of the tune upbeat.
Alex Schultz, Brennan Taulbee, and Denny Agosto of St. Petersburg, Florida, spent the past two years working extensively with producer Jason Pennock. Through their creative work, they honed their own flavor of indie-rock to include elements of hip-hop, neo-soul, and experimental electronics.
They will be playing at Shaky Knees Festival in May, maybe you will take a moment to replay the song or download the album. Be aware, wonder and curiosity will pour into your earbuds and you will want to listen over and over again!