Taking one day at a time.
Mondays are good for me, I have experienced a much needed happy weekend with my whittled down family. Mondays provide me with the routine of writing, planning, and work. I also experience a nice check in with my husband because he is home for a brief portion of the day. When he finally heads out to his job in another city, I feel a sadness for the abrupt change, but also a feeling of autonomy and self-reliance which is a nice feeling after many years of marriage.
But then, Tuesdays roll around and they add an itty bit of hardship. It is easily overlooked as I manage my time with errands, workouts, writing, and chores.
When the hump day, Wednesday happens,,.it is a different story. As much as I want to be autonomous and independent, I have experienced moments of tearing up without reason. Perhaps it is simply exhaustion from convincing myself that I can shore up and get through this difficult patch of being alone after years of shared responsibilities and joy.
Unfortunately this traveling, work life, has been happening off and on for maybe five years now. Does it coincide with my music blog? Yes. Certainly.
I create because I feel a need. I find artistic beauty in open empty spaces.
I will continue to learn, grow, and change in this peculiar time. What scares me most is, change is true of all people with time and my husband is no exception.
I remember well the hardship of my father entering back into our lives after he was at war for an extended period of time. During his time away, my mother was in charge of four children and herself, a place she had never been in her life. She was responsible for everything and she grew some formidable wings in that period of her life. Then at his return, she had to assume her role from the past. It created a powerful storm of strong wills and deep frustration. Somehow, they came to a neutral ground that worked, yet a bit wobbly. I wonder about that now. I wish I could chat with my mom about her wants and needs and her sacrifices. I wish I understood her situation more in the hope that it might shed an important light on my own somewhat similar experience.
I am not going to lie, sometimes my edgy emotions bubble up uncontrollably. Perhaps it is a bit of loneliness, lack of engaged family members and friends, or even a fleeting moment of self pity and wallow. Wednesdays are probably the hardest.
Then, Thursday rolls around and my friends are finally able to go out and meet up with me. The city has events worth experiencing. When I use my Monday autonomy strength, I can plan for Thursday. I am happy again, finding my mojo in anticipating an event and finding my support once again. I am reminded that I can do this. I am reminded it is all worth it.
Friday sends my husband home again. With every plane ride, every car drive, I worry. So when he shows up, I am overjoyed, happy we made it safely through another week. We plan and get excited about our future together once again. We spend long mornings just being. It can be so satisfying to simply experience our quiet moments together and not jump up and head out. Although we do balance the quiet with the active moments. Memories are made and remembered as we face the next Monday.
So, in all of this new change, I have taken a small hiatus from the other love of mine, my life saving music blog. I am trying to figure out how to gussy up the courage to go to weekday concerts alone, how to find my music mojo, and generally how to keep up with the amount of work it takes to keep it afloat. Juggling is very difficult when I don’t feel like putting out any effort.
I am in a weird limbo moment in my life. I recognize I am highly emotional….and I don’t want to bombard you with sad sappy songs. I hope you will understand that sometimes life gets in the way.
But, despite my irregular blog appearance, I continue to listen to music everyday, even though late summer tends to be a slow time for new music. I am still seeking and searching for songs that move me, inspire me, shake me, and soothe my wounds.
I continue to meet amazing people in my live music experiences and was recently approached to consider writing for Soundblab. It proves to be the much needed challenge my heart desires. I have written two album reviews. Please check them out if you haven’t already, (Wilder Maker and Mattiel). I worked diligently and lovingly on them. For a perfectionist like me, that work translates to hours and hours of time. I am thrilled to be a very small part of an incredible team of writers that know their music and can translate sounds they hear into vibrant words of accurate and precise audio descriptions. I am in awe of each writer’s talent and their expression of musical taste…even when it doesn’t match my own.
In all of my quiet reflection, I recognize we are all so very different. We think differently, we love differently, we live differently, but somehow the music joins us and we find a beautiful camaraderie. I want to expose that beautiful similarity we all share. I hope you will continue to journey with me.
Check out the incredible music I have been listening to lately…
Minneapolis has some incredible bands and Slow Pulp jumps to the top for me right now. Soothing, sing song vocals and a nice swirling guitar….
“Should I try all over again?”
Slow Pulp-At Home
So excited about the Wild Nothing album release! This single is a much needed happy tidbit to savor until we have it all. Indigo will be out Aug. 31st !
Wild Nothing-Partners In Motion
I have expressed my love for this Kansas City, Missouri band before. The Greeting Committee‘s new music is a joyous reminder of their talent and ability to express so much in a song. They have a style which is jubilant, yet full of oomph and substance.
“I am off running fast as I can….”
The Greeting Committee-17
When you hear new songs from a band and have a hard time choosing which song to share, that’s when you know they are about to release a beautiful gem of an album. Saintseneca has been around awhile, with a hefty catalog since 2009. So when a few band changes happen and they shout new music, I can be a bit skeptical. Not the case here. The songs are poignant and folk rock unique. Okay after watching the video, I sorta want a bubble ball for my head to swirl round and round.
Saintseneca-Ladder To The Sun
So excited I get a sweet preview of Bear Grass and the debut album, Left out in August. They are a band worthy of your ears and have the musical ability to slay what new music is currently out there. Take a moment and listen…
“An arrow through this shape I’m in this space and are you speaking out loud, are you loving in sounds, and do your words come out through the slit in your mouth.
I wanna hear the songs you sing, and the words you speak when no one else is listening, as the waves Roll in, and the shadows learn to swim.
I’m Unawake, I’m Unawake, I’m unaware. Are the pieces hanging there and would I grab them if I cared. Instead I sleep, pretend to dream, pretend that all my thoughts don’t stand for anything. And I hear the sounds your muscles make, and the gestures of your face, and the thoughts your lids contain. And things get slippery when wet, there’s a thunder in my head and you’ve been knocking on the nest without a thought to where this ends.
I wanna hear the songs you sing, and the words you speak when no one else is listening. As the waves roll in, and the shadows learn to swim.”
Thank you for staying, thank you for liking, and thank you for commenting and sharing. It stokes the flames for me to continue to search for the masterful musical moments which hit on a few, many, or all of my emotions with instrumental skill and finesse.
I hope what I share speaks to you as well.