Do you know the people closest to you?
Do you think you know their thoughts and their desires?
Sometimes, the closer you are to people, the more assumptions you make about their thoughts, desires, and wishes. I am guilty of this on many occasions. My expectations, or preconceived notions, can sometimes stop someone in their tracks and shut them down. Every once in a while, I am right, but it is still wrong. Wrong, because I didn’t give my dearest ones the time to be themselves and complete their thoughts and sentences. I didn’t listen.
It is the idea of thinking we know or anticipating someone’s response, which I believe, can tear away at a relationship. I want to expect the best from others and remind myself that I can’t always base the future on the past. This is necessary work toward being more open-minded.
Perhaps it is simply selfish, because I want others, closest to me, to give me the opportunity to share my own thoughts without assumptions, expectations, or preconceived notions.
The complexity of individuals intrigues me. It is important to pay close attention to others, learn as much as we can about them, and then in the process, ultimately learn more about ourselves.
I don’t ever want to be pigeon-holed in my thinking. I tend to keep people guessing when it comes to my thoughts, and I only share subtle glimpses of who I really am. Well, and then sometimes I don’t at all, by disappearing for a while. Perhaps, this rubber band mentality of mine reflects the inner nomad in me. I am the product of a family that moved around about 10 times in my 18 years of being under their wing. There are so many good things which came from this experience, independence being a big one. Yet, there are a few bumps and bruises in my head which keep me from really opening up with the people in my life. Then, I scratch my head and wonder where everybody went while I was being independent.
Perhaps it is a symptom of being somewhat creative. I love this interpretation…
“Like the color white that includes all colors, they tend to bring together the entire range of human possibilities within themselves. Creativity allows for paradox, light, shadow, inconsistency, even chaos – and creative people experience both extremes with equal intensity.” -researcher Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Creatively complex? Or just complicated and difficult?
Really, don’t we all want to be heard?
But, are we actively listening?
When we first decide that we find someone else interesting, either as a new-found friend, hopeful companion or long-lost buddy, we make every effort to get to know them better. Making an effort to understand and appreciate another person helps to build a relationship. We ask questions and listen full throttle, with heartfelt intent.
Why does this seem to fade over time?
Questions shouldn’t be interrogations, but they should be important in communicating. Then, it is important to listen. Listen “with your eyes and your ears”, as I remember my kindergarten teacher saying over and over. Building a relationship takes work. Curious questioning, listening, and catching up are the keys to the relationship balancing act. Doing these things well and with sincerity, we will maintain balance, like the adept bicyclist who continues moving smoothly forward, on two wheels in perpetual, steady motion.
I am not sure how my questions and thoughts came about with such a light, happy song. The instruments come in and swirl happily around my ears and the “la la la’s” bring on a peppy, joyous mood. Then the horns show up, and it is bright and brilliant. But, the lyrics are so questioning and ambiguous. It made me do just a little more listening and thinking. This is Beirut, with the song, “No No No”, listen….
“Don’t know the first thing about who you are
My heart is waiting, taken in from the star
If we don’t go now, we won’t get very far
Don’t know the first thing about who you are”
Beirut just released this sweet little ditty, and at under three minutes, it makes me want more. It looks like we will have to wait a while. Their album won’t arrive until September. Beirut is Zach Condon, Nick Petree, Paul Collins, Ben Lanz, and Kyle Resnick. The band developed from the solo project of Zach Condon. No No No will be their fourth album.
According to a press release, the album’s creation followed a rough period in Condon’s life.
“I had completely broken down and my body was making me pay for it,” Condon said in a statement. “For the first time in my life, I was facing extreme self doubt. I had hit rock bottom.”
Fortunately with time, with the healing of emotional wounds from Condon’s divorce as well as working and reworking new music to create a fresh sound, the band is back! I can still hear classic Beirut in this track, but more spirited!
Perhaps Zach is questioning someone else in this song? Or perhaps Zach is questioning himself? I guess I will always continue to question myself and my involvement in the relationships that are nearest and dearest to me.
Perhaps, this lovely song is just begging us to get going, listen to each other, and in the process open our hearts.